hibernation

I’ve mentioned it before but every time we have our first nice week of sun, I’m reminded of that silly scene in Portlandia where everyone is chasing around the little sun pockets. I am a real hibernator. excuse my absence. I think sometimes I believe the things that I have to share aren’t really that shareable. so I put this off a little bit longer and more time passes and more life happens and blah blah blah.

A lot of changes have happened in the last few months in my personal life. in my living situation. in my work. and it’s all exciting and progressing in a way that feels like fireworks in the summertime, but fireworks can also be scary! Even when I feel like I have a logical hold on everything going on around me and all of the theoretical plates that I am spinning and serving (see what I did there?) my boddyyyyyy recognizes all of this change. My body is adjusting to these adjustments and I have to respect that.

I’m glad that I allowed myself the time to hibernate. I’m glad that I’ve let things be scary lately.

Things are fucking scary! The world is gosh deng scary! I mean I disassociate with so much reality TV that it is truly mind blowing. There is no reason in giving yourself the heartburn of swallowing it all down and saying “i’ll deal with that later.”

No! deal with it now! deal with that gut health now! deal with the little pleas that your body is communicating right now. I’ve been struggling yet again with binge eating! which is a downward spiral to be honest. When that road starts, it opens up the avenue of skipping working out. skipping journaling. skipping going to sobriety meetings. I mean truly, once I let my commitment to my routine and diet and nourishment slip, everything in my life follows. and by the time that i’ve noticed that it’s all slipping, I can’t catch everything without SOMETHING breaking.

There is power in routine. there is power in structure. all the wheels move together.