Baby New year
As some of you know, I’m sober! I’m currently at the 119th day in my journey of abstaining from alcohol. Recently I shared my website with someone in my recovery group & they said
“You’ve only got one blog post.”
“Well, yeah. But I just started the blog!”
“…Oh. Because the first post is on November 18th.”
You know what I love? Accountability. Honey, I said that I was going to jibber jabber on this platform and if I’m not gonna deliver with honesty & integrity, what’s the point in promising to begin with? Wow, what’s that? A Segway into our blog? Damn, baby-she did it. Let’s go-
While I did think that I was going to be busy during the holidays, I couldn’t have imagined the things that I was going to be juggling. It was like I was juggling 21 differently shaped eggs-filled with squishy yolk-but the eggs are on fire and also frozen. And all the while I just kept saying “Yep! Yep! You got it! Be right there!” Taking more and more on, without allowing myself the privilege of saying “I’m sorry but I’ve reached capacity.” And the thing is, I kept thinking that I was doing everyone favors by saying yes. But I actually wasn’t giving my best energy because I was way past my limits. I was able to fit everyone into the car, but nobody was comfortable or safe. By the end of December, I was so over my limit that the emails I hadn’t gotten back to made me feel so disappointed. Gosh deng it, I’m STILL embarrassed thinking about how to respond to these sweet bunnies who have reached out for help nourishing their bones.
While juggling 2 dozen frozen eggs that are on fire and yelling “yes” to as many people that I can lock eyes with—on Christmas Day, not only did my pipes freeze but then I lost electricity. I had 2 personal clients, and my weekly meal prep clients due for delivery the following day with no running water. As soon as that was fixed, I had no electricity. I found myself having an actual breakdown over the fact that I simply did not have control of the situation. I wanted so badly to simply deliver on time. I kept overly guaranteeing more and more things to compensate for things that were out of my control. When one of our bunnies who has been ordering since the first week emailed me and said “hey-slow down. you don’t have to figure this out right now. I think that you can figure it out tomorrow and we’ll all be just fine.”
And I thought… wait… I can?
I heard in a meditation on self compassion recently : every single person in your life benefits from you taking care of yourself. Wooo. Gives me chills. You mean, by nourishing myself and being patient I’m actually nourishing everyone more than I would be than when I race around trying to make sure all the buttons get pushed on time?
I’ll admit that I did really let myself feel like I had “failed” more than once this week. And one of my regulars reminded me of our first meal prep drop and how cool things have become since that day. On January 24th, Ambrosia’s LLC will renew for it’s 2nd year.
A birthday, darling! We love you very very very much!
When I think of the meals that I was making last January and the mistakes that I was making then, it really makes me feel confident for what’s coming. I hope that you’re all being patient and kind with yourselves and remembering that you can say “I’ve done what I can today, and I need to put this down until tomorrow.” We’re doing such big brave things and making a real difference together. Staying focused on those big goals is important, but so is resting and prioritizing the tone in that inner voice.
I hope that your inner critique is cheering you on.
I hope that it’s telling you know what a badass you are.
And if it’s not, baby- I am.
I love you, and I’m so grateful for this year with all of you. I’m holding the “out-of-control” moments just as dearly & kindly as the triumphant & successful ones.
